Helping Your Children Manage an International Move
There is no doubt that moving anywhere – from one home to another or from one city to another – is a stressful experience. However, moving to a foreign country has its own set of emotional ups and downs. No matter how many times you relocate, you will always have a period of adjustment. Living overseas is indeed a challenge.
When there are children involved, it becomes more complicated – but not impossible. Depending on age and personality, you may have to adjust your approach to fit each child’s needs. Debbie C. of Texas, for instance, who has lived in Canada, Argentina, and most recently Italy, was in this situation. Her oldest, who was entering junior high at the time, was ready for the move, while her youngest boy, who was in elementary school, was not. Until she got the youngest interested in hockey, it was a bit of a struggle.
Much of your success with relocating your children will depend on two things: first, preparing yourself, and second, being supportive of your children's feelings before the move and upon arriving to your new home.
If you've been able to schedule a pre-trip, you can get your bearings, find a school and perhaps arrange for childcare. If you are calm about the move, your child will be too. If you can't make a pre-trip, research the country and city to which you're relocating. Buy street maps and local guides, and learn a few important phrases in the local language. A new anthology edited by Suzanne Kamata, CALL ME OKAASAN: Adventures in Multicultural Mothering, is a great resource for parents who are raising kids in multicultural, transnational settings.
Being supportive of your children applies most importantly to those that are in school. However, infants and toddlers require a period of adjustment, too. A baby's sleep schedule, for example, will be out-of-whack, causing you sleepless nights. A toddler might be whiny and clingy. Be patient. This too shall pass!
Watch your kids' moods and actions closely. Don't be deceived by your quiet child who doesn't say a word about the move – encourage him or her to speak about their feelings. Maybe your youngster can best express his fears through drawing or writing. Be supportive of that need. Also, remember that this is the time when your child needs both parents the most. Ironically, this may also be the time when your spouse has to spend extra hours traveling or at the office. Be sure to discuss the need to spend extra family time together, and schedule special time for each parent to spend time alone with the kids.
Once you're moved in and the children are settled, don't be surprised if you still feel adrift. Most importantly, be patient. Beverly Roman says in her book, The Insider's Guide to Relocation, that “... it takes anywhere from six to ten months for most people to begin to feel at home in any new environment.”
Finally, don't lose sight of the fact that your child may return home at the end of your assignment having become even more independent and cosmopolitan than he or she would have become at the same age at home. The cultural and life lessons that they learn will lend to the formation of their perspectives and their own personal culture. The memories of life abroad will be priceless.
Visit the CultureWizard blog at http://culturewizard.rw-3llc.com for more cultural news and information.
